The Doctor: Don’t. Just…don’t.
Donna: But, who is he?
The Doctor: Weeelllllllllllllllllll…
Donna: Oi, is it that oily haired wizard? That ‘Severeus Shape’ from that silly kids movie you made me watch last week?
The Doctor: That’s Severus Snape. And Harry Potter, let me tell you - it’s…Harry Potter is brilliant, fit for anyone, ages 1 day to 100 centuries. Don’t go insultin - er, not the point. No, that’s not Professor Snape.
Donna: Then who - ?
The Doctor: Sherlock. Sherlock Holmes, he’s called. He -
Donna: Sherlock Holmes?! Pfft…stop messing with me! That can’t be a real name! Sounds like real estate propriety. Or a locksmith shop.
The Doctor: Nah, not nearly as rubbish as other humans I’ve met. Picabo Street, Anastasia Beaverhausen, Bob Loblaw, Snoop Dog - not his real name, Benedict Cumberbatch…
Donna: Oh, that last one the pope of cucumbers?
The Doctor: Close. An actor. Met him when I crashed a BAFTA awards afterparty one year. Wasn’t too happy about his loss. Had some sort of bet with his winning co-star. Anywayyyy -
Donna: Doctor. Who. is. that. guy? Not a bad look, a white robe.
The Doctor: Oi! Will you stop interrupting? I was just about to tell -
Donna: Porn star?
The Doctor: No, he -
Donna: New Muppets character?
The Doctor: No, but -
The Doctor: No, that’s -
Donna: Another Time Lord, full name The Sherlock Holmes?
The Doctor: NO!
The Doctor: Oh, you’re going to let me finish now, are you? Sherlock’s a fairly recent acquittance of mine. A detective. Met him and his flatmate John Watson - also calling himself a doctor - in Earth year 2011. We - welllllll, I guess you could say “teamed up” to stop this other man, a mad genius really, from his outrageous plan to harvest the power of his own expertly crafted television programming to permanently damage the very souls of millions of human viewers. Sherlock claimed he was human, but with a mind that twisted? I highly doubt it. Name was, err, Steven Moffat, I believe. Anyway, from time to time, Sherlock here and I, together with doctor Watson, meet up for tea and bananas. And -
The Doctor: What? Too complicated?
Donna: No, it’s just that…you’re rambling. Clearly hiding something. What is it?
The Doctor: Huh? Nothing.
Donna: No, you’re clearing concealing a big mysterious something. It’s not just the rapid speech, you don’t even want me to look at him.
The Doctor: Well, it’s…
The Doctor: He’s…it’s…fine, I’ll just say it straight: Sherlock’s may be smarter than me.
Donna: Really?! While being such a pretty boy, with mammoth checkbones?
Sherlock: You know I can hear you?